In pursuit of that SOMEONE

                              Will that someone come along?That someone who would understand that I am anxious and even get jealous.That someone who would know my fears that are deeply rooted in me and makes me so scared that it holds me back all the time.Will that someone not judge me but just be with me.Will that someone dance and sing even if its difficult.Will that someone love me for anything I do out of love might be cook a meal, hug and care without being asked.Will that someone make me smile and comfort me when tears roll down and wet my heart and cheeks. Will that someone stay by myside when I am helpless and lost.Will that someone ever come along?Will that someone make me lucky?
Will that someone help me BEING ME all the time.Will that someone would ever come whom I can trust blindly?Will that someone come along and take me away in the flight of being confident, daring and whatever sounds perfect ?Will that someone ever come along?

Limitations

Limitations.....Is it the fear of minds or the forced restrictions or the desire of achieving something better,can re-phrase it, greater expectations for success without any room for failure..Every now and then, we are inhibited by limitations,knowingly or unknowingly that dwell in our mind and heart.

As spoke often ,"Sky is the limit", doesn't strike me and leave me to ponder that sky which is profound and infinitive falls under the benchmark of limitation too.In my opinion,by doing so, one gets a better perspective of the limitation,i.e defining infinity limit.

Then another question makes me wonder the origination of limitation, the hot seat,where is it???Is it a hot seat or a cold one???No idea...Is it the human black box or the beating lubh-dubh (heart)???Is limitation a feeling or something else???It creates numerous algorithms and all the complex loops with if,if-nots,yes, no, etc...Its wired or can say chained very strongly...

Sometimes the limitations are forced, whether one accept it or not..Once the big tidal wave originate one's  mind/heart fall in its trap which reminds me of the Pied, The Piper...

My quest, is there anyway one can stop being handcuffed to it...Self-realization and being truthful to oneself even if you lie the whole world is what the experts say really works...I haven't tried or had a chance to try this out for the limitation feeling/thought( whatever it is) grows its roots so fast and so deep that I always fall captive to it and in the process the power of decision making is restricted...

"Man is born free", is it really???I question it again and again...How vivid we think of this statement yet its the tinny tiny neurons or the blood cells or the hormones which are way more capable of triggering this big wave...Its an arduous quest to stop this trigger of limitation,unless one is that cognizance and has legitimately comprehended one's purpose of life...

"Child is father of the man"

Today I was talking about different kind of occupations to my 3 year old...Like what does a baker do,a teacher,a doctor,a engineer...out of curiosity my little one asked what does papa do? I answered,"He is an engineer".To which my question bank questioned me next," Mama, I don't see his tools, so what kind of engineer is he? I said," he is a software engineer"...She took a deep breath and said," Ahha"...I thought what did she think and gave in this sigh .So I asked her ,"did you get it ?" And indeed she was right ,as per standard ,she said me one who works with laptops,computers...Then somehow in the middle of our conversation I said her that I too am a S/W engineer...She just giggled and laughed and kept me saying " No Mama" repeatedly..This time it was me who was curious what was in her mind, so I questioned her ,"Hey little one , why are you laughing? "She answered to me like a flash of lighting that "It's big guys job to go to office and work.Papa is a big guy."I explained to her that I worked too and went to an office too .But then I wanted to have lots of fun with her at home, so I stopped going to office...Then my question bank questions " Will I go back to work when she is big and can do stuffs on her own?"Without any thought or a pause I answered " Yes Dear."I never ever thought that this was coming from her( quoting her exact lines),"Mama mama everyone is big enough big enough to do something( some rhyme by her favorite cartoon character, Daniel Tiger) but but I don't want to grow big now.You and I have so much fun all the time (..she paused...then...) Thank you Mama for staying at home and taking care of me.I love you."

 I was spell bound and my heart and eyes got heavy...The tears that rolled down were tears of joy and I felt happy seeing her what she is growing up to,how compassionate...

 Actually lived the statement (for that moment),"Child is the father of man".Everyone, me no exception to it, come across such situations every now and then.But we just tend to overlook the fact .But that day it just hit the right chord and I still hear the echo within myself.

Bless you my dear child...Praying the Almighty to help her always to keep THE INNOCENCE ,THE SIMPLICITY entacted,no matter what...

What Will I Miss, Being Pregnant???

I wrote this post a while back and enjoy reading it now...Hope you enjoy it too...

Now that I was nearing the end of the pregnancy. Little Cupcake could come any time in the next month, but I’m expecting her to be on the later end. Let me see if she starts out by living up to my expectations. I have mixed emotions about the end of this stage. Many people ask me if I’m ready for it to be over. At this point I’m not, but I’m also excited for the birth. Since I know the end of the pregnancy is inevitable, I made a list of things that I’ll miss about it. Maybe I can use this list to motivate me if I decide to do this again.  

Hair – Thank you pregnancy hormones. I can’t really say for sure that my hair is fuller, but man it looks pretty. So either it really is fuller and healthier or the hormones actually have the effect of making me delusional. Either way, I’m happy.

Long finger nails – Apparently, pregnancy hormones can increase growth in your nails. Nice! My nails are so flimsy that they break easily and then I have short boyish nails for a while. They still break a lot, but now they grow back so fast I only have short or uneven nails for a couple days. Of course, I don’t enjoy the extra maintenance involved in trimming my toenails, especially since it’s tough to reach them, but it’s worth it if I finally get to have girly hands.

Feeling less guilty about taking care of myself – This one probably shouldn’t be on this list. I should never feel guilty about taking care of myself, but I do. I also know that if I continue to take care of myself after the birth, I’ll be creating a healthier environment for our baby and I’ll be better able to attend to others’ needs when I’m needed. Therefore, I’ll miss having an obvious physical reason for taking care of myself, but I’m also going to work every day to remember that I don’t need an excuse to address my own needs.

People being nice and offering help – When I was at the grocery store the other day a woman saw me lifting my baggages and asked if I needed help because I had a bundle up front. I didn’t need help at the moment since I was using it as an opportunity to practice squatting, but it was so nice of her to offer. Sometimes it can be a little embarrassing when people offer to help, but it’s so heart-warming and builds my faith in random strangers.

Ultrasounds – It’s like we get to spy on the baby when she thinks we’re not looking. That’s right, cutie pie, we saw you playing,rolling,twisting. You didn’t know you were being filmed, huh? We even have pictures that we can use to embarrass you at your wedding. We’re gonna be great parents then.

Always knowing where my kid is – Right now, I have a decent amount of control over her safety. I know where she is at all times, she can’t run out into traffic, and I can step into the other room without worrying what she’ll get into becauses he has to come with me. Thinking about trying to keep track of a toddler is scary.And then when she is a teenager and comes home late I can say,”You were so much easier to keep track of in utero!..Its really tough now."

No crying or fussing – Sure, sometimes she can get pretty squirmy, but I’m still able to sleep through it. It’s easy to provide for her needs when the umbilical cord takes care of most of them automatically. Learning to decipher her cries could be tricky. 

Being told I’m a superhero for doing the most basic things – I get the general sense that people think it’s great that I’m up walking around. Maybe there are too many horror stories floating around that imply being pregnant equals months of pain and misery. I do feel lucky that I’m not on bed rest and that my many aches are manageable.

The anticipation – She’s been hanging out with me for months, but I have very little idea what she looks like and almost no clues as to her personality. I’ll be happy to find out, but I’ll miss that excitement that comes before opening the present. 

Having a cute (huge) belly that makes people smile.

And as a bonus…. 1 thing I won’t miss:

Peeing in a cup before every doctor’s appointment – There are a lot of them! 

DREAMS, Do they haunt you or you haunt them ???

In my conversation with many people, I felt that most of us are resigned or rather content, to living the DREAMS of other other than their very OWN.It is also true many ignore/suppress their own dream.They don't believe they can fulfill it (I am no escape to it too).So the consequence is many of us struggle with their dreams or their adjustment/ postponing of the dreams in order to lead this lives.

So there begins the story of every ordinary life, which is, you can say is cushioned or companioned with DREAMS.Without it,life has no meaning.And with it,life is confused (you just don't have a dream they are numerous.And even you accomplish one the next is pipe lined,there is no end to it ).We begin the journey of life with a dream.With small attempts,the dream slowly becomes a wish...And then again with the passage of time the DREAM to WISH fades into EMPTINESS.

But why ????

In my personal opinion its all about the "F" word...Don't be mistaken I meant to say it as FEAR...
I was questioned Fear of what??? You name it...There are in multiple forms...But then I wonder its FEAR or AN EXCUSE to live our DREAMS.

Happy Dreaming !!!

KDramas & KMovies

Annyeong haseyo...I am really addicted to these kdramas & kmovies (Korean Drama & Korean Movies) for quite a while now...Thanks to Manisha nani..It was just like opening myself into a new world,getting to know about the beautiful country,South Korea,the Korean culture,traditions and the language...Besides that even figured out they follow or try to imitate the American style in every aspect of their lives...
Excellent scripts with wonderful performances and amazing songs has really made me passionate about these Kdramas...My watch list so far goes like this :-The-1st-shop-of-coffee-prince,women-of-the-sun,goong-s,bad-couple,powerful-opponents-kangjeok,super-rookie,wonderful-life,the-vineyard-man,one-fine-day,hello-my-teacher,full-house,boys-before-flowers,modern-housewives,autumn-tale,queen-of-housewives,good job good job,...And n number of Kmovies...Still have a long watch list...Thanks to the wonderful site :- mysoju.com and all the Korean translators who provide the stubs which really helped me learn and understand the language to some extent...
The words I learnt :-annyeong haseyo/anyunhaseo - hello;annyeong higaseyo - goodbye;bangapsumnida - nice meeting you ;gomawo/gomapsumnida/kamsahamnida - thank you ;viane/biane - for sorry;kumapta - thank you na - i;nuh - you;omma - mother;appaappa/ abogii - father;unni - sister (female speaker);oppa - brother (female speaker);noona - sister (male speaker);hyung - brother (male speaker);yabo- honey; oppa - honey or close man;dong saeng - younger sibling (regardless of the speaker's gender);harabuji - grandpa;halmuni - grandma;ajussi - mister;ahjussi - old man;ahjumma - old woman;imo - aunt; sam chon - uncle;sun saeng nim - teacher;gyo soo nim - professor;sun bae nim - senior;sah jang nim - president (i.e. company);chingu - friend;nam ja chingu - boyfriend;yeoja chingu - girlfriend;
aein - lover;yobo - husband/wife; saranghae/saranghaeyo/saranghamnida - iloveyou;bogoshipda - i miss you;crome- like see u or bye (sumthin like that);mwo - what;waeyo - why;haengbokhae - happy;pae goh pa - hungry;miane - sorry; jung mal/jjin jja - really;mola - i don't know;musunsuriya - what happened;gan da - i go;ga ja - lets go;kalkke/kabolkaeyo - ill go first;michutsu - are u crazy;araso/arata/algesumnida - i understand;na wa - outside;palli - faster;kwenchanayo - are u ok;moragu - what did u say;yogiyo - here;angurae - isnt it;ji be - home;orenmanida - its been a long time;ottokae - how;otthae - how is it;gu rom/mullon - of course;ba bba - busy;kugon - that;got - this;onje - when;hajima - dont;keuk jung hajima - dont worry;pi gon hae - tired;pyong won - hospital;ne/ye - yes;ani/anio - no;chulte andwe -never;pilipin - Philippines;ho ju - Australia;mi guk - America;wat ssuh - im here;butakhaeyo/chebal - please;jal ja ra - goodnight;jal ga - take care/see you;choahae - i like you;choa - good/fine;hana,dul,set - 1,2,3;beautiful - ilpyun;yeoboseyo - hello (on the phone);ya! - hey;charaeso - good job;olmayeyo - how much;sinbal - shoes;juseyo - give;apayo - hurt;yaksok - promise;choshimae - be careful;opso - nothing;gunyang - just;gu rae - (oh..i see or really) ;ma ja - you are right;masheekaeta - yummy/delicious;gu rae so - thats why;tthaemonae - because;je gum - now;irumi - name;irumi moya - whats ur name;na do - me too;kunde - but;wae gu rae - whats the matter;sashirun - actually;pi mi - secret;uri - us/our;a gi - baby;chorom - like;babo - fool;
And even given a chance in this life time or if I am that fortunate would surely travel Seoul and visit this wonderful land in the east... Kamsahamnida....

P.S.:- Penning this post has been over an year for me now...

GLBT

Wiki says "LGBT (or GLBT) is an initialism referring collectively to lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender people।"For a very long time I was unaware of the fact and just wondered what was it ???I guess these were private talks during my childhood when my parents and the people of the generation talked about it in closed rooms away from children and young teens...But with the gradual passage of time,when I was in my 20s and got a chance to be out of home, then only got to know what did all that mean...Even though very frequently heard it in Odiya as Maichiaa and wondered who were they...Have seen them mostly when we travelled by train in my childhood days is what I remember...But these days, children aged 4-5 even know what is all that...Thanks to media...I dont know whether to thank the media literally or not...In the process of educating our children, I sometimes feel they are given more information prior to their age...And these days hindi movies like Dostana,Straight,Dev D bringing up directly the closed rooms topics (as I think) publicly...And people have fun and enjoy it and laugh it off...Seriously this hurts if you give it a thought...Has laughter become so cheap and it sells around these topics...Cant we find other ways to laugh off ???Even if some person is GLBT, doesnt it hurt their feelings...Reserving their rights in the Parliament or electing them to the Assembly or Parliament doesnt solve the matter...Indiviuals need to respect each other keeping all the fun apart since its a matter a of indiviualistic identity,self pride...Then I was wondering where has all this impact come from...In the process of simply imitating the WEST ,where the civilization is completely different along with the cultures,has profound impact on us...My watch list of such movies include the Oscar nominated Philadephia by Tom Hanks, 2009 ,oscar nominated MILK for best feature film and best actor has profound effect on the people here...What hair raising performances by the actors, wht wonderful scripts...State of California and many such states at United States has come up with laws for publicising Gay marriages and their rights...People of this category are fighting hard and people of all catergories respect all that rather making fun of them...One has to realize hard and have to be thoughtful since its not one's own mistake that one is in the category of LGBT but its the Creator...Then who are we to laugh it off or side them off from the society???My nation has to work hard on it as I feel since people are miscommunicated and in the process many families cant be helped to resolve such social issues for the sake of being boycotted...Have to give in some serious thought...